More on Doing it Differently

• The essence of mature adulthood   My model of understanding mature adulthood places particular focus upon understanding the nature of responsibility (in the context of self, family, community and the environment), the role of gender in shaping human behaviour and the development of a holistic personal spirituality (including what that means, how it may or may not relate to religion, and how to create it).

• Making sense of feelings   Men often struggle to access and/or share their emotions. I have developed a readily understood model through which men can gain an understanding of how feelings (often unconscious) underpin and often critically shape all human actions and behaviours. The model allows men and women to make sense of and give meaning to their experience of the four basic uncomfortable emotions namely sadness, anger, fear and shame and to work with these feelings to enrich the quality of their lives and relationships.

• The impact of shame   This largely unexplored and overlooked emotion dominates the lives of many men and women and has traditionally been widely used as a method of hierarchical control. Its negative impact on men is particularly intense and deserves much deeper exploration and understanding.

• What does it mean to say “I love you”?  A male-friendly model for understanding and creating deeply rewarding, genuinely loving, primary relationships based on unconditional love, intimacy, a shared journey, commitment, romance and sex. The first four elements of this model are also applicable to the development and maintenance of all other meaningful interpersonal relationships.

• The “four archetypes” model of healthy manhood    Based on the archetypes of the king, warrior, magician and lover (originally developed by Moore and Gillette), this model provides an intuitive and often humorous vehicle for engaging men in understanding the elements of healthy male psychology.

• I have done my own work    For the past 20 years I have been deeply committed to developing emotional intelligence, self awareness, my own personal and spiritual growth and living as a responsible citizen in this rapidly changing world. My personal journey as a man, father and relationship partner has taken me to many places, some wonderful high points and some immensely difficult and painful lows. In facing these challenges, I have deeply questioned what it is to be a healthy man and rewritten some important elements of the usual script. The journey and the dark places have been great teachers and I have become deeply wary of the “wise” men with no scars!